


Just roll for charisma already

by AstriferousSprite



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Gen, Seduction, hopeless lesbian rey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 03:03:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12739698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstriferousSprite/pseuds/AstriferousSprite
Summary: The gang plays D&D. Shenanigans ensue.





	Just roll for charisma already

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Reidepenguin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reidepenguin/gifts).



“You finally meet the Queen Ota the Terrible,” says Poe.

Rey sits up straight in her seat. Even though this is only their third meeting, the session is so far going greatly; Poe is a wonderful DM, and always has fantastic stories to spin about the land they traverse, or the quest they’re on. Their first campaign is a basic one; a Lawful Evil junta has taken over several peaceful lands, and it is up to their ragtag band of adventurers to defeat the evil Supreme Leader. Of course, everyone knows that a thief, a bard, and a paladin cannot defeat an entire empire on their own; hence, the Orc queen side quest.

Poe pauses, taking a small handful of chips. “‘What is your business here, travelers?’ she calls out, in a deep sort of growl, for the queen isn’t a huge fan of trespassers.”

“I shiver at her mighty prowess,” says Rose.

“As much as the queen dislikes trespassers, she hates weakness even more,” says Poe, raising an eyebrow at her. “Aranyé, I’ll give you about fifteen second before she tries to kill you.”

Finn grins, despite the brevity of the situation. “We come seeking an alliance, oh Terrible One,” he says. “The Empire must be stopped at all costs, and we are in need of powerful allies.”

“Now that she likes.” Poe pauses to flip through some sheets.

“And what does she say to this?”

He clears his throat, adopting the growl of Queen Ota. “Powerful allies, you say!” he barks. “Very well. My troops would be willing to fight alongside you—provided you are worthy, of course.”

“What do you mean?” asks Rey.

Poe drops the voice. “It is Orcish custom to duel till first blood to prove one’s valor in war.” He reaches for a few pawns, placing them on the mat in front of them. “You three versus her strongest soldiers.”

“Wait a second,” says Rose, “are you sure we’re strong enough?”

“Absolutely not,” he says with a smirk.

 _Quick_. As much as Rey loves their team, she knows their characters aren't nearly strong enough—they need a distraction. And now.

Thankfully, Rey didn’t load up on charisma for nothing.

“Is the Orc queen hot?” she asks.

Poe pauses, third pawn still hovering over the mat. “I beg your pardon?” he says, finally laying it down.

“I mean, is she hot?”

Poe leans back. “I mean, if by hot you mean ‘generic sexy humanoid with green skin’ then I hate to disappoint, but she’s seven feet tall and nearly four hundred pounds of pure muscle, so no.”

“Oh my god, she’s hot.”

Next to her, Rose giggles. “Are you actually gonna—”

Rey picks up her dice. “I roll to secure the Orc queen.”

Poe opens his mouth, then closes it, narrows his eyes, tilts his head, and then shrugs, apparently hitting acceptance. “Um, very well,” he says. “Kira, roll for Charisma.”

Picking up her d20 and giving it a few lucky shakes, she exhales and rolls it onto the table.

“No way,” she whispers, eyes wide as she sees the result. “Oh, my God.”

Poe cranes his neck. “What happened?”

Rey grins. “Natural twenty.”

“Fuck’s sake,” says Rose. “That actually worked?”

Quickly going through the five stages of grief again, Poe sighs. “Ota the Terrible, about to start the match, has halted. She has completely fallen in love with Kira, and decides she can trust her and her team. ‘Call the match off,’ she says in a slightly more romantic growl, ‘we shall fight with these travelers, for they are most certainly worthy. The thief has deeply wounded… my heart.’”

Rose mock groans. Finn just bursts into laughter.

“The trip to Starkiller has become delayed, though,” he continues, “for Queen Ota, absolutely infatuated with Kira, has declared her intent to marry her right this moment. And unfortunately, that requires a day-long hunt.”

“That’s not right.” Finn sits up straight. “I’m a paladin, who’s to say I can’t officiate my friend’s wedding?”

“Is it that big of a deal?” asks Rey.

“Of course it is,” he says. “Remember when I converted the entire team to worship the Force of Balance? You deserve the ceremony of your faith.”

Poe shrugs. “Do you wish to take this up with Ota?”

“Absolutely, I do.”

Finn rolls to negotiate, and ends up landing a fifteen. “Ota sighs with defeat. ‘Very well, I shall let you marry us with your Elvish ways, but after the siege, we shall marry in the custom of my people.’”

Finn nods. “So, I suppose a shortened ceremony is in order?”

“Absolutely it is,” say Poe. “Team, what do you do?”

“I play my lute and wish the couple eternal happiness, and my allies strength,” says Rose, rolling her dice and grinning as she lands the move.

“Aranyé’s song has given everyone a plus one boost to strength.”

“I lead the ceremony,” says Finn, “and even though it’s my first time, I do my best to follow the customs and bestow upon them balance and light in every matter.”

“The Force smiles upon you, Ilmion, for your leading of such a holy ceremony,” says Poe. “You gain a level in religion.”

Finn pumps his fist in joy.

“Rey?”

“I smooch my hot orc wife,” she says.

Poe sighs. “Kira kisses her hot orc wife.”

With a grin, she turns to Rose and plants a kiss on her lips.

Finn sighs. “I look away pointedly.”

“You can’t look away, you’re the fucking minister,” says Poe, as Rey giggles.

With the wedding over, the campaign can start up again; their little team, along with several orcs under the command of Queen Ota (“My love,” Rey keeps calling her), advances towards Starkiller, the empire’s fearful frozen base. And from there, a fearful battle of swords and magic and frantic dice rolling takes place, as soldier after soldier is slain and the crew finally comes face to face with Snoke, the dread Supreme Leader. And, through a combination of the orcs’ added strength, wise decisions, and sheer luck, they finally succeed in defeating them, only marginally worse for the wear.

The trio are celebrating their new points and loot when Rey stops. “How does Queen Ota fare?”

“Aha.” Rubbing his head, Poe grabs his d20 and rolls. He winces as he sees the result.

“ _What?_ ” she says, gripping the table. “Is she dead? Oh my God, don’t tell me my wife is dead!”

“Calm down, she’s not dead,” says Poe. “However, during the battle, Ota the Terrible lost her leg, as well as her right eye.” Rey yelps. “Oh, of course she will recover enough to see combat again, but it is still a blow to her pride to allow herself to be injured in such a way.”

“I console my wife.”

“What do you say?”

Rey pauses, rolling for charisma, and smiling when she sees the 18. “I tell her that perhaps her injuries will only serve to make her even more fearful, and that enemies will tremble at the sight of her and her dread iron leg.”

“Ota the Terrible cheers up at her wife saying such nice things,” says Poe. “Perhaps she will be able to fight another day.”

Rose lays a hand on her heart.

“And congratulations, that’s the end of this campaign,” he says, shuffling his paper back into a neat pile. “Of course, you’ll have a new quest next time we meet—same time, same characters, my place?”

Finn stretches his arms up. “Sounds good,” he says.

“Wait!” Rose raises her hand. “Slight problem with my character, though.”

Poe raises his eyebrows.

“Um, Aranyé found a different calling back in her hometown,” she explains. “She settled back into the local tavern, singing songs for her people.”

“Well, then, create a new character, I guess?”

Rose grins. “Can I be Ota the Terrible?”

Finn sighs, Rey laughs, and Poe goes through another round of grief. “Um, very well, then,” he says, rubbing his head. “I guess I’ll just, um, email you her basic info, then?”

“Sounds fantastic,” she says, resting her head on Rey’s shoulder. “Looking forward to it already.”

**Author's Note:**

> hmu on [tumblr](http://www.lesbiangffa.tumblr.com) if y'all want


End file.
